QI’m a (mostly) straight male who’s been dating the same woman for more than a year. It’s easily the best relationship I’ve been in. We get along great and rarely fight, and the sex has been great. But there were a few incidents recently when in the heat of the moment she asked me to tell her what I wanted to do, and I froze. I didn’t know what she expected me to say or do. These incidents ended in an argument. She views this as a sign that I’m not attracted to her or don’t have a strong libido. Both are untrue. I don’t have strong preferences about sexual activities. I just enjoy it. Whether it’s going down on her, having her go down on me, doing a bit of role play, intercourse in pretty much any position—whatever we’re doing, I’m enjoying myself. If there is something specific she wants, all she needs to do is ask. But when she asks me to take control in the bedroom or to describe my fantasies to her, I either stare blankly at her or choose something at random, achingly unsure of whether or not I made the right choice. This has always been the way my brain works. When I masturbate, I just think about having sex, not about anything specific. When I look at porn, I am far more interested in how attracted I am to the woman involved than I am in what is going on. If you could give me some ideas for how I can make myself less boring in the sack, I would love to hear it. —Mister Milquetoast Missionary
A quick programming note: Some weeks, half the questions I get are longer than the column itself. I can jam 1,250 words into this space, provided I avoid using longer words when shorter ones are available—e.g., “gay” has one syllable, “homosexual” has five; “asshole” has two syllables, “former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee” has 12. Suffice it to say, very long letters rarely make it in. So while I usually appreciate letter writers who get to the point—the more succinct the question, the better the chances it will make it into the column—it’s possible to be too brief.
Second option: Frottage. It’s not bottoming—no penetration—but it’s a worthy and pleasurable substitute. Your loving partner/special guest star puts his lubed-up dick between your thighs, right at the top, you close your legs, and he plows away. If you’re on your stomach or doing it doggy style, SUB, you can put your lubed-up hands between your legs and cup your partner’s cock while he thrusts back and forth. You’re not being penetrated, but your taint, the outside of your hole, and your sack are all getting stimulated. Frottage is also a good first step for people who want to experiment with anal play but aren’t ready for penetration.
