It’s tough enough to go through a breakup without being in the midst of a pandemic, but now partnerships are being tested, some are going virtual, and others are even dissolving. In the time BC (before coronavirus) getting over a breakup may have included going out, surrounding yourself with friends, distracting your thoughts, or even having a one-night stand. Nothing better than getting over someone by getting under someone, right?
“I knew she was dealing with some heavy things, but she never before indicated any problems in our partnership,” they explain. “She ended the relationship mostly because she needed time to work through things and address her own mental health and happiness. I imagine stay-at-home gave her a moment to breathe and consider things. She was also unable to meet my needs as I struggled with the beginning of quarantine, which I’m sure influenced her decision to end the relationship.”
Krister, 27, and their partner broke up when they were in Chicago and their partner was outside of the country, right before the shelter-in-place order took effect. “It was a phone call, so more or less I started the breakup already in isolation. We discussed trying to be friends and he suggested we talk more about it when he returned from his trip,” they say. “Unfortunately, COVID-19 struck right after that decision was made, so chances of gaining more closure were slim.”
In many ways, isolation was exactly what Krister needed. They explain that they needed to relearn a love for themself outside of another person. However, that took some time. “Not having my friends and family around to hear me out was hard. All I wanted to do was vent, and it felt like a burden to call or text a novel of feelings rather than passively rant over a cup of coffee or a drink. I luckily have a roommate and they have been super supportive, especially because they exited a relationship a few months earlier.”
Dr. McGuire agrees that folks going through a relationship change should focus their energy into things that they love. Right now can be a good time to look inward. “FaceTiming with someone who makes you laugh, teaching yourself a new skill, spending long stretches of time reading, or creating things that allow you to release emotion are all tools for healing,” they say. “Above all, go easy on yourself; it is not like you can ask your mom how she survived a quarantine breakup. We are all learning as we go and a wide range of feelings and experiences with all of this is normal.” v
