QMy partner is 31 years older than I am. I know the math: he’ll be 60 when I’m 29. But that isn’t the problem. The issue is he’s been a lifelong bachelor and never been monogamous. He’s fucked hundreds of women and is close friends with a lot of his former fuck buddies. Because of our four-year friendship before we hooked up, I know a lot about his sex life. The problem isn’t jealousy—and it isn’t knowing he’s fucked every woman he’s friends with or that he fucked someone else after declaring his love for me. It’s that I know too much. We both feel vulnerable at times—him because I’m still in contact with one ex, and me because I feel like I’m fighting his past preference for no-strings-attached relationships. He tells me this relationship is different and he loves me in a way he hasn’t loved anyone before. But I still feel like because of how many people he’s been with, and how many of these amazing, beautiful, young fuck buddies are still in his life, I’ll never attain any sort of primacy. —Notable Age Gap Gets in Newbie’s Grill
That said, NAGGING, cheating and breakups regularly happen in the absence of significant age gaps and friendship networks composed exclusively of ex–fuck buddies. (Since people tend to partner with—and cheat on and be cheated on by—people in their same age demographic, cheating and breakups almost always happen in the absence of significant age gaps. But that is correlation, not causation—and sophistry too!) There are no guarantees. Your partner may revert to nonmonogamous form at some point and either cheat (boo!) or ask for permission to open up your relationship (yay?). In ten-plus years you could find yourself in a caretaker role asking him for permission to open up your relationship. Or you guys could stay together and stay faithful until death comes for one of you—most likely your partner, leaving you plenty of time to hook up with your ex, if he’s still available.
AIt might look like you’re not honoring the campsite rule (“Leave ’em in better shape than you found ’em”), because this guy is a mess right now. But some queers can’t seem to accept themselves—or even recognize themselves—until after a clarifying queer sexual encounter or three. In all likelihood, this twentysomething will one day look back at his “typical ‘curious guy’ freak-out” as an important part of his coming-out process as a gay or bi man. So you probably did him a favor. (Although I would describe his freak-out as cliche—and increasingly atypical.) As for the real-or-imaginary girlfriend: If she exists, she should dump him. Not because of your actions, COCK, but because of his. v
